I’m dreaming of a Serge Christmas . . .
It’s ho, ho, ho time in this hilarious and wacky Florida holiday tale, featuring bighearted psychopath Serge Storms and his sidekick, Coleman. Like Santa, Serge knows who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. Few can give with the generosity and creativity of Serge, and as December 24 rolls around, he is filling up the Serge sleigh with an unforgettable bag of presents.
But before that, it’s all a big free-range Christmas office party, where Serge will be spreading his special cheer. And there’s that last-minute go-for-broke spree at the mall (just beware of those attacking elves—they bite). So grab a six-pack, spike the eggnog, and hit the dunes on the beach as Serge and Coleman roast some nuts on an open fire and prove that reindeer really do know how to fly!
Amazon Exclusive: A Letter from Serge A. Storms
Dear Friends and Enemies,
Season’s Greetings! It’s me, Serge! Don’t you just hate these form letters people stuff in Christmas cards? Nothing screams “you’re close to my heart” like a once-a-year Xerox. Plus, all the lame jazz that’s going on in their lives. “Had a great time in Memphis.” “Bobby lost his retainer down a storm drain.” “I think the neighbors are dealing drugs.” But this letter is different. You are special to me. I’m just forced to use a copy machine and gloves because of advancements in forensics. I love those TV shows!
Has a whole year already flown by? Much to report! Let’s get to it!
Number One: I ended a war.
You guessed correct, the War on saying “Merry Christmas!” instead of “Happy Holidays!” When I first heard about it, I said to Coleman, “That’s just not right! We must enlist!” I rushed to the front lines, running downtown yelling “Merry Christmas” at everyone I saw. And they’re all saying “Merry Christmas” back. Hmmm. That’s odd: Nobody’s stopping us from saying “Merry Christmas.” Then I did some research, and it turns out the real war is against people saying, “Happy Holidays.” The nerve: trying to be inclusive. So, everyone … Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Good times! Soul Train! Purple mountain majesties! The Pompatus of Love!
There. War over. And just before it became a quagmire.
Next: Decline of Florida Roundup.
They tore down the Big Bamboo Lounge near Orlando. Where was everybody on that one?
Remember the old “Big Daddy’s” lounges around Florida with the logo of that bearded guy? They’re now Flannery’s or something.
They closed the 20,000 Leagues ride at Disney World. And opened Buzz Lightyear. I offered to bring my own submarine. Okay, actually threatened, but they only wanted to discuss it in the security office. I’ve been doing running lately at theme parks.
But let’s not get hung up on the negative. It’s the holidays after all, so it was time to head back to Tampa. Because hiding out from the cops on your home turf during the season is always a warm-and-fuzzy. The malls have changed–when did yogurt go to five bucks?
In advance: Happy New Year! (Unlike the cruddy last one),
Serge A. Storms
Serge and Coleman, taking Christmas big! Full disclosure – I picked up Tim Dorsey’s latest Serge Storms novel, “When Elves Attack,” immediately after finishing George R. R. Martin’s massive tome, “A Dance With Dragons.” With all due respect to Mr. Martin and his book, which I enjoyed, words cannot express the joy of reading a new Dorsey novel – he packs more gonzo delight into 200 pages than any reader, sane or otherwise, can expect.Serge Storms loves Christmas and is willing to fight for it. Considering that Serge is a serial killer par excellence, that should be troubling to some. Not for us, though, as we get to ride along with Serge (and perpetually stoned sidekick Coleman) for a pell-mell paean to all that is good and true about Florida and the holidays.Serge is one of those characters you kind of wish was in your life, if only because Serge solves problems. Granted, he does so in an unusual way, but when Serge solves a problem it tends to remain solved. And who doesn’t have problems over the holidays? If you’ve got a mother-in-law who never stops reminding you of your shortcomings? Call Serge. If your teenage daughter wants a tattoo or gets in over her head with guy named Snake? Call Serge. If you just don’t know what to get your wife for Christmas? Umm, better not call Serge.”When Elves Attack” is a flat-out hilarious walk through the silliness of the holiday season in the land where it never snows. It’s much shorter than your average Serge Storms novel, but it has as many laughs per page as the others do, if not more. And Dorsey treats us to a few episodes of Florida justice, Serge style.So grab this book and make it an annual holiday read. Sure, it may never replace “Twas the Night Before Christmas” as a story you’d want to read aloud to the kids on Christmas Eve, but it will sure help you smile as the family invades and you haven’t bought all the presents and your mom and your wife are already at it and . . .
Merry Christmas to you, Serge! A heads up: Long time fans of the Serge Storms series who know the characters, history, and inside jokes will appreciate this slightly-shorter-than-usual novel. The plot, however, is a little thinner than usual, and the bad guys aren’t very evil; mostly it’s just Serge’s exaggerated take on Christmas. But still hilarious. If you haven’t read any of the earlier novels, I’d suggest with starting at the beginning of the series instead on this one. I consider this novel a Christmas present from Dorsey (and Serge) to his long time fans. That being said…Serial killer Serge Storms and his stoner sidekick Coleman are back in this Christmas-themed novel from author Tim Dorsey. I’ve been a fan of this series for along time now. Dorsey is a sick man, and I mean that in the most complimentary way. His writing is manic, frantic, and funny. Not only does he continue to come up with new scenarios for his wacky characters, but he also gets to make fun of topical issues at the same time. Whether it’s the way the news media over-covers stories, or the way we view our elders (see the G-Unit), or the way Florida’s cheesy, but unique landmarks from the 50s and 60s are slowly being replaced by strip malls. In this book, Serge sets out to take back Christmas. The new PC rules dictates “Season’s Greetings” should replace the old reliable “Merry Christmas.” Serge sets out to correct this, plus he plans to have his biggest Christmas ever! Of course the ever-hyper ADD Serge has many distractions along the way–simple things like murdering a few people, abducting some others, and continuing to meddle in old friend Jim Davenport’s life (for better or worse). And, as usual, we get to go along for the deranged ride.In fact, every time I read another Serge Storms novel, I feel slightly crazy myself afterward, especially when Serge’s logic begins to make sense. I think mental health workers should contact Mrs. Dorsey as a precaution, make sure Tim is alright. Like undercover cops who become criminals themselves, I fear the worst for Dorsey. But he keeps pumping out these wacky novels, and we get to read them!